he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
