I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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