I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
worst night to have a conscience
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Randomize
