rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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