Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
