I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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