do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
