Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
