I want to have your abortion
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
