After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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