like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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