Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
