I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
