Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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