I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
