WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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