At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
