I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
