he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
