When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
