she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
