i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
