Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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