Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
