Im at strip club and am horny
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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