I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
