Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
