I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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