I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Two words: blizzard sex
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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