I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
