Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
