dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
