Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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