I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
