At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
