He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
