I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How does it feel to date your dad?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
