ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Help. Why am I so naked?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
