Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
