You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
