You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
