Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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