I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
