Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
