It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
