i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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