Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
