Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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