Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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