so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
